Pete Davidson is an ass: The better way to joke with Dan Crenshaw

Phil Briggs
November 06, 2018 - 11:16 am


Dear Pete Davidson: 

You're a comic. I get it. 

I know the challenges of writing topical, timely and sometimes dark material for a wide audience. (I did morning radio for years).

But besides being dumb, your recent SNL jokes about Dan Crenshaw’s appearance were technically weak. They were the lowest hanging comedy fruit. Literally, any 2nd grader can make fun of the way someone looks.

And that’s truly what makes you look like an ass. You went cheap. 

If you would have bothered going beyond the eye patch, you could have found some witty -- and actually funny -- material. 

I talked to Crenshaw last year. We discussed the trademark glass eye with the SEAL Trident in the center.  And like almost every veteran I know, he was the first one to make some funny remarks about it. When I asked why he chose to go with a Navy blue eye and a gold Trident, Crenshaw smiled.

“I don’t think there’s another choice … Your real question should be why do you have all those other eyes ... because I’ve got like 8 or 9," he said. "The wonderful thing about having this situation is you gotta make the best of it … it’s an accessory.”

The former SEAL laughingly pointed out how limited men are when it comes to fashion choices, “We’re guys, right? We get a watch and that’s about it.”

Listen to an excerpt from our interview below: 


Now back to Pete Davidson. I'm going to help you. 

Since I’m a bit more comfortable talking with my fellow veterans, here are some jokes about a veteran running for Congress that you could make without pissing off most of the country:

  • So, former SEAL Dan Crenshaw is running for Congress in Houston.  And wow, that patch is kind of intimidating … Y’know the more I think about it, he should really be appointed to Secretary of State. Between his past experience in South Korea and that look, we wouldn’t still be negotiating with North Korea … that deal would have already been done.
  • And trade deficits? I’m talking to you China … Dan wouldn’t even have to talk ... he could just stand there, look at their leaders and crack his knuckles.

Or go for a fashion joke.

  • Y’know when it comes to voting for an official, I think we are undervaluing their sense of style.  Take Dan Crenshaw.  Not only does he rock the patch but behind it, he’s got a Navy blue eye with a SEAL Trident in the middle.  While other Congressmen wear the traditional boring ties or the “rich man's” cuff links, this guy can switch color eyes!  The guy will not only change his mind, but he changes his eye color ... That's flexibility!

Or the best suggestion when it comes comedy … make fun of yourself.

  • Ok, then there’s Dan Crenshaw, Congressional candidate in Texas.  How can you take issue with a former SEAL who lost his eye in combat?  Well, because a woman (who shall not be named) left me for him. Why? What does he have that I don’t?  (oh yeah, medals for bravery, valor a degree from Harvard.)  On second thought, I get it … I wish you two the best of luck!

Ultimately I get the desire for dark humor.  Ballbusting is part of being friends.

But what Davidson forgot is you have to be friends first … and forgetting that is what makes Davidson a lazy comic and his SNL sketch suck.