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Dear Santa: Here's what veterans want for the holidays

December 21, 2018 - 12:31 pm
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From GI Bill payments to plane-painted penises, we wanted to know what was at the very top of your veteran wish list for this holiday season. Here are the results!

With a whopping 54 percent of votes, the one thing veterans want more than anything this year is for the VA to just BE BETTER. 

In second place is legalized weed for all with 35 percent of votes. 

Third, veterans would like better veteran discounts for the holidays (29 percent of votes). 

If Santa can't pull off those first three, then veterans (with 19 percent of votes) would like an end to the border mission —  which was supposed to end Dec. 15, by the way.

And, in fifth place, 15 percent of votes were cast in favor of my GI Bill payments to finally &#*@ing come through.

Honorable Mentions:
A visit from the wizard of wisdom, aka Tom Hanks (12 percent)
A Red Cross comfort kit packed by Melania Trump (10 percent)
Service members to stop getting in trouble for drawing dicks in prominent places (10 percent)
Better drill protocols at Walter Reed (6 percent)
Service members to stop drawing dicks in prominent places (6 percent)

Happy holidays and may all your requests for Santa come through!