15 things you can find on Amazon that make you say WTF

Jake Hughes
July 13, 2018 - 1:52 pm

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We live in a fantastic point in time. Online shopping has brought the convenience of the modern world right into our homes. No more putting on your sweatpants, tank top, and flip-flops to peruse Walmart. No, these days you can find almost anything on Amazon.com. And I mean that. Anything…

Given that, I have taken the plunge down the rabbit hole and looked up the absolute weirdest, most WTF items you can find on the online giant’s website. After perusing a few of these gems, you might start to agree that Jeff Bezos has a bit too much money.

DIY laser Tattoo Removal System

https://www.amazon.com/Neo-Mag-Light-Guarantee-Differently/dp/B00CFQR5IC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392134342&sr=8-1&keywords=home+tattoo

Hey, we have all, at some point in our lives, gotten drunk and done things we regret, though some end up a bit more permanent than others. While this one won’t annul that marriage to a stripper you got at an Elvis chapel, it will remove any of her friend’s names you got tattooed on your chest prior. No, really! It even says it will on the box!

2016 Calendar: Goats in Trees

https://www.amazon.com/Goats-Trees-Square-12x12-Multilingual/dp/1465040994/ref=pd_sbs_14_8?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1465040994&pd_rd_r=d21b2f2b-86a6-11e8-9496-9bd53828afac&pd_rd_w=8u2iF&pd_rd_wg=PWqpm&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=5825442648805390339&pf_rd_r=TCF7J3GK9N2XZJ3335CP&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=TCF7J3GK9N2XZJ3335CP

Sort of an exercise in “Just What It Says On The Tin,” this is a perfect gift some someone who wants to relive an election year, while at the same time enjoys… well, goats in trees.

A life-sized Statue of Bigfoot

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VIPNVU?tag=bfbetsy-20&ascsubtag=4431391%2C20%2C21%2Cd%2C0%2C0%2Cgoogle.com%2C469%3A1

For the crypto-biologist in us all, this 6-foot, 147lb likening of the American Yeti will serve as a constant reminder of how bad you are at managing disposable income.

Infant Circumcision Training Dummy

https://www.amazon.com/Nasco-Infant-Circumcision-Trainer-White/dp/B0083Y0W26/ref=sr_1_1?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1531498842&sr=1-1&keywords=infant+circumcision&dpID=31Qqp4wNZyL&preST=_SX342_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

Because hey, if you’re going to mutilate a boy’s genitals and cause him undo pain and suffering for no useful reason (Unless you’re Jewish or Muslim, that is) you might as well do it properly. Get some practice in before you alter your son for life before he can consent!

Barack Obama Toilet Paper

http://www.amazon.com/Big-Mouth-Toys-Funny-Toilet/dp/B003EN9S58/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392136025&sr=8-1&keywords=obama+toilet+paper

I don’t care if you’re so conservative you make Ted Nugent look like a patchouli-smelling hippy, there is something wrong with you if you want the ex-president’s face that near your butt.

Wallmonkey’s Senior Woman with Asthma Peel and Stick Wall Decal

https://www.amazon.com/Wallmonkeys-Senior-Asthma-Graphic-WM335116/dp/B0150BAJYA/ref=sr_1_1?m=A2RVS52TTV5GLB&s=merchant-items&ie=UTF8&qid=1531502651&sr=1-1&keywords=senior+woman&dpID=417wMaxjwaL&preST=_SY300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

Ever think your living room is lacking something? Feel your Feng-shui is off? Do you feel the need to plaster a stranger’s face on your wall? Then this two-foot wall decal is for you. Good for brightening up a room and reminding grandma to use her inhaler.

SWAGA Silicone Wedding Band

https://www.amazon.com/SWAGA-Silicone-Wedding-Band-Black/dp/B01BX2LEB2/ref=sr_1_1?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1531502904&sr=8-1&keywords=swaga+silicone+wedding+band&dpID=4139D9RvsdL&preST=_SY300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

For that cheating douchebag in us all, this easy-to-remove wedding ring is the ultimate symbol of, I love you… for now.” Got a meeting with your “sidechick?” Is your pool boy really cute in that Speedo? Well, simply tug and pull and you’ll be ready for the ol’ tug-and-pull!

Dinosaur-on-Human Erotica

https://www.amazon.com/Velociraptors-Nest-Dinosaur-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00FJOK42Q/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531490720&sr=1-5&keywords=dinosaur+erotica&dpID=51yC0XhsEcL&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

No, I’m not kidding, no matter how much I wish I was. See, on Amazon, you can self-publish any book or story, so, virtually anything can be found on Kindle. Take, for example, this lovely number about a neglected cavewoman named Azog, who finds herself cornered by a male velociraptor, and has to use her “womanly wiles” to escape. That screaming sound you hear in the distance is my faith in humanity dying a slow, painful death.

Nicolas Cage Throw Pillow

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JF0HRLG?tag=bfbetsy-20&ascsubtag=4431391%2C12%2C21%2Cd%2C0%2C0%2Cgoogle.com%2C469%3A1

I mean, who wouldn’t want a full-sized pillow bearing the visage of the single greatest actor of our time?! I heard that if you cuddle it extra hard at night, you can actually hear The Cage whisper, “I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”

Uranium Ore

https://www.amazon.com/Images-SI-Inc-Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1392135962&sr=8-10&keywords=uranium+ore

One of the questions associated with this item is, “I want to turn my pet iguana into a 400 foot tall kaiju with radioactive breath. How many should I buy?”

The obvious answer?

“2 should do the trick. 3 is overkill. Literally. He'll die if you use 3.”

Nasco Fetal Pig

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075MYH3HS/ref=sspa_dk_detail_4?psc=1

Like your pork rare? Like… really, really rare?

And to round it all off…

55-gallon Drum of Lube

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JF0HRLG?tag=bfbetsy-20&ascsubtag=4431391%2C12%2C21%2Cd%2C0%2C0%2Cgoogle.com%2C469%3A1

Because hey… you never know.

 

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