The 5 military guys you meet on Tinder

Kaylah Jackson
February 14, 2018 - 2:45 pm

Dating in these times is all about swiping right. (or left).

Lazy folks like me can get to know a potential "Mr. Right," all without even leaving my couch. The League, Bumble, Ok Cupid, all these dating apps are popular, but Tinder still remains supreme.

Tinder defaults to showing you people in your immediate area and being so close to our nation's capital, I tend to swipe on profiles of military men, overwhelmingly. But, like many women in uniform, I don't exactly broadcast my service and it's always fun to poke at the guys on Tinder who have no idea that I too, have served.

Now, I'm not taking a jab at my fellow men in uniform, it's all in good fun, but I've noticed a pattern in how guys tend to showcase their military service on dating apps, so, I created a guide.

Here's the types of military guys you'll meet on Tinder:


The grunt

He looks exactly like this guy. The first photo you see is usually some highspeed but slightly granulated picture of them overseas, in full battle rattle, holding a SAW, because apparently, that's what the ladies like. His facial hair is totally out regs and he definitely has an Airborne badge. His approach is direct and his vocabulary is well, simple?


Guy who wishes he was a grunt

Odds are, he's E4 whose still mad at his recruiter he hasn't got to "blow anything up."They try to get your attention by telling stories (from basic training) about their expert shooting skills, (I know you qualified as a marksman). They're what we call in the Army "Super Hooah." They talk big and and loud, probabaly becuause they are trying to compensate for something. What? Who knows. 

Fresh Out

Now this guy, well, he served and he wants EVERYONE to know it. The ink on his DD214 is barely dry and he is on the prowl ladies and gentlemen. He ONLY sports Oakleys and still wears his standard issue boots with his jeans *cringes.* He's had a few "Dear John" stories and probably couldn't find a girl to qualify for BAH so he's gonna use his cool military pictures to impress you. 


Ahhh, the knight in shining armor. The educated man. The man with the big bucks. Whether he's a butter bar or a seasoned officer, he is charming. He's on Tinder but he says he's "looking for someone serious." Instead of Monster, he shows up to formation with iced coffee but he definitely still dips. (Sometimes you can't have it all ladies)

"On deployment"

You can customize your distance settings in Tinder but somehow, this one always manages to slip through the cracks. It says he's 4000 miles away so how did your thumb happen upon his photo? Who knows, the point is,he either just broke up with his girlfriend, or still has one. So, you might just want to steer away until he's set boots back in the good ole' USA.